One size does (not) fit all

Evening all,

I’ve been thinking about something all day and so thought I’d share as, as you know, I like to overshare. A good friend of mine (hi Jo!) shared this Facebook post yesterday and my brain has gone into overdrive. Shock.

If you haven’t read the post, it’s from a mum talking about how she co-sleeps with her two kids, and have done since they were born. And it’s really, really lovely. Beautifully written and  genuinely made me feel quite emotional as I totally identified with what she’s saying about tiny humans being so small and dependent for such a short time.

However, the thing I noticed the most about her post was the amount of comments from women saying thank you and how they needed to read what she’s written because they’d come under some kind of scrutiny for co-sleeping or not wanting to leave their kids overnight, or in general. I find myself genuinely confused by the whole issue there seems to be in this country about co-sleeping and why there’s this underlying sense that it’s frowned upon. Seems like the most natural thing in the world to me.

But of course, oh busy brain here starting (over)thinking about our set up at home and how we do things, and then questioning whether it’s right/wrong/good/bad, etc. Rex has slept in his own room since he was four months old. Every time he needed us, we were there immediately, but we made that decision because it was what worked for us. When Rex is ill, he sleeps with us, but if it’s business as usual, our little bean goes to bed at 6pm and he’s there until the following morning. In the almost 14 months since Rex entered this world, I have been away from him for two nights. Did I want to at the time? No. Was it as bad as I thought it would be when I was away from him? No. Do I feel guilty about the time I don’t spend with him? At first, absolutely. Now? No. Bcause when I do have some space, even if it’s just an hour, I know I’m a much more understanding, patient and all-round better parent to him.

Is the the same for everyone? No.

After mulling this over all day, my conclusion on this is the same one I always come to, and that is that I need to stop falling down the rabbit hole of thinking that one size fits all when it comes to parenting, because it absolutely fucking doesn’t. If you want to co-sleep, co-sleep, if you don’t want to leave your tiny humans, don’t and don’t let anyone make you feel bad for those choices. Similarly, if you do choose to have some time away from your small people and you dare to enjoy it, don’t feel guilty or like you’re less of a parent because of it. I know we’ve all heard it a billion times, but every baby is different and therefore so are their needs. We are all just getting by the best way we can, so don’t be a twat like me and spend time second guessing yourself. All that matters to me, at the end of the day, is that Rex is happy, and all the while that’s the case, I’ll keep doing what I’m doing 🙂

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